I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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