Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
"it" just moved
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
