And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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