just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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