If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
