how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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