I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
