i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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