You're my little dorito
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
