I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
