wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Semen is not good for contacts.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
