Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
