that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
