So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
