Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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