I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
