NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
