I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
