every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize