I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
