We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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