I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
