Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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