hotel room ftw
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
