I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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