Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
