After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
