Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
