is your mom at the bar?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
