sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
