forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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