Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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