Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
