i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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