well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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