Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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