it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
