Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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