he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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