I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
