is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
