i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
