You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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