I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
