i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize