I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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