I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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