i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My ass is underappreciated
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
