i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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