i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
