the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
