I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
