First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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