girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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