I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry about my life...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
