Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize