I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
