My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
