you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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