she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
