Christians are straight up FREAKS
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
