Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we're so committed to being not committed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
