Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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