My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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