your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
worst night to have a conscience
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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