hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
