But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
