Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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