I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
