Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
