I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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