i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you had me at cake vodka
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
