Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
